[It hasn't done him that much good anyway, thoughts still muddled even after a couple of hours. It's better than being the only one awake, but if Dagny's there too, it's different.]
I never really felt like he understood everything. But I thought he at least had his own reasons to want it under control. Maybe I should have told him more. I don't know.
I don't think I can blame him for not saying something about it.
I wasn't understanding enough, I didn't listen. I can't blame him for not trying when I just shot him down whenever he did. I think I tried so hard to protect him, that I forgot to just love him instead. [Not that he's ever not loved him, but he did it in his way. Not in Thomas' way.]
[There isn't an answer; instead, there's a couple of minutes of silence before the door rattles a little, Isaac fumbling with the keycard, letting himself in and then stopping to flip the extra locks once it's closed. He doesn't hover for long, slipping off his shoes and dropping the towel in the corner before climbing onto the bed, reaching out for his husband's hand.]
What are we going to do? [It's not said like he's expecting an answer, full of quiet worry.]
[He resettles as Isaac gets back onto the bed, grabbing his hand immediately when it's offered, pulling him in closer, just as nervous and anxious as Isaac is.]
I don't know. Keep trying. Or try harder...try in a different way?
We can't give up. [Not that Isaac is suggesting it, but he feels like it's worth reiterating, squeezing him closer to him, still concerned about how to fix this.]
He looks like he's trying so hard to be an adult. He's still such a kid. [He says it quietly though, as if Thomas would be able to hear him somehow, knowing he'd hate to be thought of as a child.]
We won't. [A soft reassurance, even though it's probably clear he's on the same page. Neither of them are about to walk away and abandon their son, not if there's any chance he'll let them stay.
He wraps an arm around Dagny, squeezing him tightly.] I know. But -- he sounded so proud of everything. That he's branching out here. [More than a little guilt in his tone. They shouldn't have kept him from doing so much.]
He has a job. [Equal parts guilt and pride filling his tone. He wishes more of their conversations could have been conversations instead of fights. He can't even remember when that changed. When the last time Thomas actually went to them, just to tell them something.]
Maybe it started that way. [But it's clearly not anymore, if it ever was. He takes an unsteady breath, his voice small when he goes on.]
I want him to be happy. I just -- want him to come home, too. [And it's feeling a bit like it's going to be one or the other. Not that there's really any good way to drag him home anyway.]
Me too. [It's hard not having him there, even though it's nice to have Bear back, but even she walks around like she's lost without him. The house is so much lonelier with just the three of them, especially with Bear leaving to see Ethan nearly every day.]
Pop's place would at least be closer. [He seems to have no problem with his grandfather.]
At least we could be there. If he needed something.
[It doesn't seem like he needs them for much after all, but it's hard to stop worrying. Even knowing that's part of the problem. He still can't help wondering what can go wrong if Thomas stays where he is.]
He's still so young. I'm glad he's doing well, but he might need help. He-- [He tries to stop himself from spiraling again, not wanting to discredit all the work Thomas has done by getting anxious over everything that could happen.] I just feel like he still needs us.
I know. We'll try. [A soft reminder, holding on tighter to Dagny, trying to comfort his husband as much as he's trying to tell himself.] It -- it could have gone worse this time. We'll just... do what we can.
Yeah. He seemed upset to see us though. [There’s so much from the conversation that he keeps replaying in his head, the worst being the way Thomas thought they didn’t like him, or wouldn’t do anything to make him happy.] I can’t stop thinking about it. I feel like I failed as a parent…he seemed so hurt.
I think we did, somewhere. [He doesn't say it to try to make Dagny feel any worse, just sharing his own thoughts, a little sad and lost to admit it. But it feels like they had to. Everything is so messed up now. There had to be a point where they could've stopped it, and didn't.
He curls a little more into Dagny's side, his hand sliding up to seek out his mark, a weirdly self-soothing habit.] I should have said something before we just showed up. Maybe it would have gone better.
Yeah. [Unfortunately Isaac was right, they didn’t do their one job, which was to always make sure that Thomas felt loved and supported, no matter what their intentions were, they messed up. He just hoped that it wasn’t too late to fix it, that Thomas would at least give them a second chance.
He runs his hand down Isaac’s arm, squeezing it gently, feeling just as comforted by the touch.] I think it would have been a mess either way. Maybe the next visit will go better, now that he knows we are here.
Maybe. I guess we'll see if he gets in touch with us, or... [Turning up again is probably a terrible plan, but he's not sure if any kind of contact is a bad idea, if he should try to send a message, if it'll make Thomas feel cornered, or if not doing it will make it feel like they're not trying hard enough.
It feels a lot easier to see the downsides to every angle right now than the possibility of things working out. He shrugs a little, pressing a kiss against Dagny's shoulder, just taking a little more comfort in his presence. It's an awful situation, but at least neither of them are dealing with it alone. And neither is Thomas, even if he won't come to them for it.]
[He presses a kiss to Isaac's head, rubbing his hand along his soulmate's arm, accepting the comfort and giving it back, both of them settling in the silence as they try to think about what can be done, or if there is even anything to be done.
At some point, after both of them have been sitting for long enough that his legs are starting to protest, being kept in the same position without movement, both of their phone's go off, alerting that they received a message at the same time, he leans over to grab is, sharing the screen with Isaac as he opens the message:
Dear Dads,
I know this is very formal but I feel like whenever we try to talk in person, we always get upset, and I want to say a few things.
I appreciate that you came to see me, and that you wanted to apologize, but I'm not sure I'm ready to accept it just yet. I don't understand why you came here now when you had plenty of time to come before, or when I was in the hospital. I was waiting for you to say something, and just when I stopped, that is when you showed up. And part of me is angry, because I have tried really hard to be happy and to move on, and now I have to work twice as hard all over again.
Not that you aren't worth it. But I'm scared that I'll try really hard and everything will just go back to the way it was. I don't want to live my life hurt or trying to make you happy. I just want to be happy.
Pops has offered me a place to stay for the holidays. I'm thinking of going. I miss everyone, and New York. And a lot of the time I miss you too. But I don't want it to be so hard anymore and I'm not ready for things to go back to normal, but I'm willing to see how things go. At least for a little bit. If you are okay with that too.
[He just stares at the screen for a few moments once he's done reading, blankly, absorbing the words. A lump in his throat when he finally turns over, hiding his face against his husband's chest.]
It could be worse, right? At least... at least we haven't stopped him from coming home at all. [Not with them, but being with Pops is close enough.]
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2025-11-22 11:19 pm (UTC)[It hasn't done him that much good anyway, thoughts still muddled even after a couple of hours. It's better than being the only one awake, but if Dagny's there too, it's different.]
Are you okay?
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Date: 2025-11-22 11:26 pm (UTC)I don't regret taking the kids in. [Seemingly in response to the question Isaac asked earlier.]
But I'm not sure if it was the best thing for them either.
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Date: 2025-11-22 11:31 pm (UTC)I wouldn't want to change it, even if we could
I don't know how things got so messed up
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Date: 2025-11-23 12:27 am (UTC)I did this. I messed up.
I pushed too hard and expected too much.
I pushed him away.
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Date: 2025-11-23 12:35 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-11-23 12:42 am (UTC)I didn't realize that he'd grown to accept it. Or enjoy it.
I thought he wanted the same as us.
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Date: 2025-11-23 12:46 am (UTC)Maybe I should have told him more. I don't know.
I don't think I can blame him for not saying something about it.
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Date: 2025-11-23 12:51 am (UTC)I think I tried so hard to protect him, that I forgot to just love him instead. [Not that he's ever not loved him, but he did it in his way. Not in Thomas' way.]
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Date: 2025-11-23 12:56 am (UTC)What are we going to do? [It's not said like he's expecting an answer, full of quiet worry.]
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Date: 2025-11-23 01:18 am (UTC)I don't know. Keep trying. Or try harder...try in a different way?
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Date: 2025-11-23 01:24 am (UTC)[Something's clearly got to change, anyway. It would just be easier if they knew exactly what they should be doing instead.]
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Date: 2025-11-23 01:56 am (UTC)He looks like he's trying so hard to be an adult. He's still such a kid. [He says it quietly though, as if Thomas would be able to hear him somehow, knowing he'd hate to be thought of as a child.]
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Date: 2025-11-23 02:06 am (UTC)He wraps an arm around Dagny, squeezing him tightly.] I know. But -- he sounded so proud of everything. That he's branching out here. [More than a little guilt in his tone. They shouldn't have kept him from doing so much.]
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Date: 2025-11-23 03:10 am (UTC)I thought it was just a teenage rebellion phase.
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Date: 2025-11-23 03:16 am (UTC)I want him to be happy. I just -- want him to come home, too. [And it's feeling a bit like it's going to be one or the other. Not that there's really any good way to drag him home anyway.]
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Date: 2025-11-23 03:24 am (UTC)Pop's place would at least be closer. [He seems to have no problem with his grandfather.]
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Date: 2025-11-23 03:29 am (UTC)[It doesn't seem like he needs them for much after all, but it's hard to stop worrying. Even knowing that's part of the problem. He still can't help wondering what can go wrong if Thomas stays where he is.]
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Date: 2025-11-23 03:40 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-11-23 03:44 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-11-23 08:08 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-11-23 08:19 am (UTC)He curls a little more into Dagny's side, his hand sliding up to seek out his mark, a weirdly self-soothing habit.] I should have said something before we just showed up. Maybe it would have gone better.
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Date: 2025-11-23 08:25 am (UTC)He runs his hand down Isaac’s arm, squeezing it gently, feeling just as comforted by the touch.] I think it would have been a mess either way. Maybe the next visit will go better, now that he knows we are here.
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Date: 2025-11-23 08:32 am (UTC)It feels a lot easier to see the downsides to every angle right now than the possibility of things working out. He shrugs a little, pressing a kiss against Dagny's shoulder, just taking a little more comfort in his presence. It's an awful situation, but at least neither of them are dealing with it alone. And neither is Thomas, even if he won't come to them for it.]
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Date: 2025-11-24 07:28 pm (UTC)At some point, after both of them have been sitting for long enough that his legs are starting to protest, being kept in the same position without movement, both of their phone's go off, alerting that they received a message at the same time, he leans over to grab is, sharing the screen with Isaac as he opens the message:
Dear Dads,
I know this is very formal but I feel like whenever we try to talk in person, we always get upset, and I want to say a few things.
I appreciate that you came to see me, and that you wanted to apologize, but I'm not sure I'm ready to accept it just yet. I don't understand why you came here now when you had plenty of time to come before, or when I was in the hospital. I was waiting for you to say something, and just when I stopped, that is when you showed up. And part of me is angry, because I have tried really hard to be happy and to move on, and now I have to work twice as hard all over again.
Not that you aren't worth it. But I'm scared that I'll try really hard and everything will just go back to the way it was. I don't want to live my life hurt or trying to make you happy. I just want to be happy.
Pops has offered me a place to stay for the holidays. I'm thinking of going. I miss everyone, and New York. And a lot of the time I miss you too. But I don't want it to be so hard anymore and I'm not ready for things to go back to normal, but I'm willing to see how things go. At least for a little bit. If you are okay with that too.
I love you both, Thomas.
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Date: 2025-11-24 07:43 pm (UTC)It could be worse, right? At least... at least we haven't stopped him from coming home at all. [Not with them, but being with Pops is close enough.]
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