[The fact that he actually remembers throws her off; it takes a few minutes to reply. Just trying to think back.]
Honestly. No. Sort of, I remember people came by but I didn't pay a lot of attention to anything, I guess.
Honestly I only remember two things really clearly from most of that next year Ev telling me Gillian was in the hospital and you telling me you could still feel Isaac everything else is kind of a blur of books.
[Pretty much every moment one of them wasn't losing it, either she was studying, forcing herself not to just give in, or she was looking through books she borrowed from the professor, trying to figure out what happened.]
I know. I’m sorry. I don’t blame you for not remembering him. I think I usually talked to him anyway.
It’s not a year I really try to think about much.
[Even though it still comes up, still haunts him from time to time, he tries to ignore it. That’s easier for him when Isaac is usually right next to him or in his arms, he imagines it must be harder for Imogene, especially being so far away.
He wishes they could be having this conversation in person. He hesitates for another moment before dialing her number instead. Texting is fun, but he’d rather hear her voice.]
[She doesn't get a chance to finish typing an answer before her phone rings, picking up immediately. There's the quiet sounds of traffic filtering in behind her, giving away that she's still on her way back to the apartment.]
Yeah. [Automatically. She pauses, sighs.] Or -- no, not really. I don't know. Fuck. I'm sorry.
[For bringing up old things, mostly. She doesn't like to talk about them either. Even though it feels like she thinks about them all the time, especially this time of year.]
You don’t have anything to be sorry for. I’m just…I can’t imagine a world without Isaac. [Or well, he can, and doesn’t like to.] But I know every soulmate is different. I’ll try to be more objective.
[Sometimes it’s hard to set aside his own experiences and realize that other relationships aren’t like his. Even with Sasha and Imogene, he knows they are close, but it’s never made sense to him how they could get that way without being soulmates. He can’t imagine loving anyone the way he does Isaac, it’s so vibrant and bright, everything else dulls in comparison.]
How’s work? Do you have to see him there? [ The him being Denny. He says “him” with inflection, trying to be better, to hate him along with Imogene this time.]
[It's hard to hold it against him too much. Maybe the only reason she hasn't lost faith completely in soulmates by now is because of the way the two of them fit together. They're not the only pair she's known that worked out, but they're the only one she's seen from close enough to realize just how perfect the match is, where she can't imagine either of them having to be on their own, or with someone else.
She's never been hung up on the idea of her soulmate to begin with -- but right now it's hard to hold up her own luck against that picture and wonder how it could be so different.]
Yeah. We're on the same rotation right now, so I can't really avoid it. [She sounds bitter about it, tired.] He's not pulling the kind of shit he usually does at least, so that's something. I think I'd probably get myself in some shit if he did.
[Probably that's an exaggeration, she'd just end up yelling at him. But she'd still rather not do that in the middle of the hospital, especially surrounded by kids.]
That’s at least something. I’m not sure why he decided to do all that in the first place…definitely a choice…
[In that statement, he doesn’t need to pretend, truly baffled by Denny’s abhorrent behavior and attitude towards Imogene the last few years. Especially when he started out so kind.]
Is he a toddler? Pulling your hair on the playground? You’re right, no judge on earth would convict you for any crimes committed against him.
Right? I mean, jesus, we're supposed to be adults now.
[Her frustration is clear, even after she takes a breath, goes on a little less emphatically.]
He says -- he was trying to get my attention. And I just... I don't get it. All I can think is that if I knew who he was, I would have paid attention.
[She wouldn't have ditched Sasha immediately and jumped on the soulmate bandwagon, things were too complicated for that between them, and she doesn't know how she'd have felt about Denny if it wasn't for this weird history they have now. But she thinks she would have made an effort. Gotten to know him. At least been able to talk about having a place in each other's lives, so they didn't have to suffer if they separated completely.]
[Dagny makes a noise in his throat, contemplative, taking in the new information.]
Maybe that’s why he did it? Maybe he didn’t want you to get to know him only because you were forced to by soulmate obligation.
[It doesn’t make it right, but he supposes he can understand at least keeping it a secret. Definitely not for as long as Denny did, that’s insane, but for a little bit he gets.]
Not sure how he went from wanting to give you time to be with Sasha, to being an asshole, but I guess that’s one kind of jump to make.
[She doesn't love that that makes sense, groaning in frustration, a thud in the background as she shut her door and then drops her head back against it.]
There's still so many better ways to go about it than that. We're supposed to help each other, not keep-- tearing down each other's confidence and pointing out each other's mistakes.
[Both of them, because she hasn't always been kind in turn. She doesn't like to hurt people, but he's good at provoking her. She's never been sure it really has as much effect on him as he does on her, but that doesn't mean she's proud of everything she's ever said.]
[He’s quiet for a moment, thinking about it. He knows all the stories they’re told, and the things they are taught, some of it is real, he knows that now but a lot of it is exaggerated, outlandish, propaganda. More and more people are rejecting the idea of soulmates so there has been a big push to re-establish the culture, a lot of people don’t actually have a good example of soulmates except from their parents, or other people in their lives.
Dagny is lucky, his parents are definitely soulmates, have been through hell and back and remained strong —- if he didn’t have that, he wonders how he would know what it’s actually like.]
Do you know much about his family? Are his parents soulmates? Maybe he doesn’t have that kind of outlook on it.
[A pause, and then she admits, voice quieter:] I don't think it's a great situation. I don't know much, but from what I do know -- I just get the feeling.
[And her feelings aren't usually too far off. She's not always great at distinguishing what's psychic from what's genuine intuition, but either way, it usually serves her better to listen. And given the way he'd mentioned family tragedy, being the caretaker... she has some thoughts.]
[He doesn’t say anything for a moment, just giving another soft noise, this one a little sympathetic.
None of it excuses his behavior but it might at least explain it. He doesn’t know the kind of life Denny had before they met him, the types of behaviors he learned or the way his family shows love. At a certain point though, he should have learned different, he’s old enough by now.]
[That gets a long sigh out of her, frustration evident, but when she answers she sounds resigned.]
I know. I should. I have to, I need to figure out what's going to happen when I leave here at least. I just don't want to do it when I'm still this mad about it.
[Or when it feels like she's going to burst into tears over it, for that matter. She'd rather not deal with that in front of him.]
Yeah. As much as it's possible, when we have to work together.
[She flops onto the couch, quiet for a moment. Her voice is serious when she goes on, clearly asking for a real answer, not just for sympathy:] Is it weird to be pissed about this? Or-- unfair?
No. [He answers quickly, thinking about how he’d feel if Isaac kept their own soulmate status secret from him for nearly ten years. Her anger is justified —- he just can’t help but also think about how hard that must have been. If it was Isaac keeping the secret, seeing Dagny happy with someone else, keeping a distance but making sure he was okay…it’s hard not to feel a little sympathetic.]
He sounds like a control freak…I just wonder what about his life is so out of control, that he feels like he needs to have control over this?
[A pause, he sighs.] Aside from his weird comments it seems like he wanted you to be happy, he just should have asked you what you wanted instead of assuming. You’re allowed to feel mad about that.
[It helps, hearing it. She knows she's been caught up in her own head about this, making it a bigger and bigger thing. She just keeps finding new snags to catch on. It feels like something's been taken away from her, as little sense as that really makes. Time she should have had. Support she should have had.
It's good to hear from someone else that even if she maybe does need to take time and calm down, it's not ridiculous to feel that way at all.]
I don't know what to do now. I don't know if I can handle working together for much longer without at least trying to talk it out, but I'm worried that if it goes badly, it's going to get even harder after that.
[He understands that. Honestly he doesn’t know how she’s waited at all. If this was him, he would have been back there immediately to talk to his soulmate. But this isn’t him, it’s Imogene and she’s always been the more rational one of the two of them.]
Give it another few days until it isn’t so fresh. I feel like…well, he doesn’t make the best decisions. [Putting it lightly there.] If he drops anything else on you, hopefully it won’t hurt as much if you have some time to process.
[And then he smiles slightly, which is likely audible in his voice.] Also, I feel like he deserves to wait just a little bit. At least it won’t be another 10 years.
[It makes her laugh a little, which is a nice relief after the last couple of days.] Definitely not. I think if I waited another ten years, I'd go crazy trying to figure out what he was thinking. Maybe like -- a couple weeks is all I can handle.
Imogene, [Said in a soft but excited voice, so much so that she can probably guess his expression, eyes bright, smile wide.] you found your soulmate. Your soulmate! I’m so happy for you.
Thanks. [There's a little smile in her voice, more about Dagny's reaction than the situation itself. Of course, even with everything, he'd be excited about it. She wishes she was better at feeling that herself, without everything else weighing it down.] I guess we'll see how it works out from here, huh?
I don't know if that's better. Maybe a clean slate would have been easier.
[But then, it's so hard to imagine accepting it right now -- maybe the shock of it makes her more willing to work with it. She really doesn't know.
Maybe she can't entirely blame him for not trying to get through to her, maybe she's been even more closed off than she realized.]
God, I've never been so jealous of how easy the two of you have it, you know that? [It's a joking complaint. She'll never begrudge them that -- not when it means she gets to see her brother so happy, and not when it brought Dagny into her life, too.]
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2025-05-05 11:51 pm (UTC)Honestly. No.
Sort of, I remember people came by but
I didn't pay a lot of attention
to anything, I guess.
Honestly I only remember two things really clearly from most of that next year
Ev telling me Gillian was in the hospital and you telling me you could still feel Isaac
everything else is kind of a blur of books.
[Pretty much every moment one of them wasn't losing it, either she was studying, forcing herself not to just give in, or she was looking through books she borrowed from the professor, trying to figure out what happened.]
no subject
Date: 2025-05-06 12:04 am (UTC)I don’t blame you for not remembering him. I think I usually talked to him anyway.
It’s not a year I really try to think about much.
[Even though it still comes up, still haunts him from time to time, he tries to ignore it. That’s easier for him when Isaac is usually right next to him or in his arms, he imagines it must be harder for Imogene, especially being so far away.
He wishes they could be having this conversation in person. He hesitates for another moment before dialing her number instead. Texting is fun, but he’d rather hear her voice.]
Hey, you okay?
no subject
Date: 2025-05-06 12:10 am (UTC)Yeah. [Automatically. She pauses, sighs.] Or -- no, not really. I don't know. Fuck. I'm sorry.
[For bringing up old things, mostly. She doesn't like to talk about them either. Even though it feels like she thinks about them all the time, especially this time of year.]
no subject
Date: 2025-05-06 12:26 am (UTC)[Sometimes it’s hard to set aside his own experiences and realize that other relationships aren’t like his. Even with Sasha and Imogene, he knows they are close, but it’s never made sense to him how they could get that way without being soulmates. He can’t imagine loving anyone the way he does Isaac, it’s so vibrant and bright, everything else dulls in comparison.]
How’s work? Do you have to see him there? [ The him being Denny. He says “him” with inflection, trying to be better, to hate him along with Imogene this time.]
no subject
Date: 2025-05-06 12:33 am (UTC)She's never been hung up on the idea of her soulmate to begin with -- but right now it's hard to hold up her own luck against that picture and wonder how it could be so different.]
Yeah. We're on the same rotation right now, so I can't really avoid it. [She sounds bitter about it, tired.] He's not pulling the kind of shit he usually does at least, so that's something. I think I'd probably get myself in some shit if he did.
[Probably that's an exaggeration, she'd just end up yelling at him. But she'd still rather not do that in the middle of the hospital, especially surrounded by kids.]
no subject
Date: 2025-05-06 01:09 am (UTC)[In that statement, he doesn’t need to pretend, truly baffled by Denny’s abhorrent behavior and attitude towards Imogene the last few years. Especially when he started out so kind.]
Is he a toddler? Pulling your hair on the playground? You’re right, no judge on earth would convict you for any crimes committed against him.
no subject
Date: 2025-05-06 01:31 am (UTC)[Her frustration is clear, even after she takes a breath, goes on a little less emphatically.]
He says -- he was trying to get my attention. And I just... I don't get it. All I can think is that if I knew who he was, I would have paid attention.
[She wouldn't have ditched Sasha immediately and jumped on the soulmate bandwagon, things were too complicated for that between them, and she doesn't know how she'd have felt about Denny if it wasn't for this weird history they have now. But she thinks she would have made an effort. Gotten to know him. At least been able to talk about having a place in each other's lives, so they didn't have to suffer if they separated completely.]
no subject
Date: 2025-05-06 01:46 am (UTC)Maybe that’s why he did it? Maybe he didn’t want you to get to know him only because you were forced to by soulmate obligation.
[It doesn’t make it right, but he supposes he can understand at least keeping it a secret. Definitely not for as long as Denny did, that’s insane, but for a little bit he gets.]
Not sure how he went from wanting to give you time to be with Sasha, to being an asshole, but I guess that’s one kind of jump to make.
no subject
Date: 2025-05-06 01:50 am (UTC)There's still so many better ways to go about it than that. We're supposed to help each other, not keep-- tearing down each other's confidence and pointing out each other's mistakes.
[Both of them, because she hasn't always been kind in turn. She doesn't like to hurt people, but he's good at provoking her. She's never been sure it really has as much effect on him as he does on her, but that doesn't mean she's proud of everything she's ever said.]
no subject
Date: 2025-05-06 02:01 am (UTC)Dagny is lucky, his parents are definitely soulmates, have been through hell and back and remained strong —- if he didn’t have that, he wonders how he would know what it’s actually like.]
Do you know much about his family? Are his parents soulmates? Maybe he doesn’t have that kind of outlook on it.
no subject
Date: 2025-05-06 02:05 am (UTC)[A pause, and then she admits, voice quieter:] I don't think it's a great situation. I don't know much, but from what I do know -- I just get the feeling.
[And her feelings aren't usually too far off. She's not always great at distinguishing what's psychic from what's genuine intuition, but either way, it usually serves her better to listen. And given the way he'd mentioned family tragedy, being the caretaker... she has some thoughts.]
no subject
Date: 2025-05-06 02:27 am (UTC)None of it excuses his behavior but it might at least explain it. He doesn’t know the kind of life Denny had before they met him, the types of behaviors he learned or the way his family shows love. At a certain point though, he should have learned different, he’s old enough by now.]
Might be worth talking to him about it?
no subject
Date: 2025-05-06 02:33 am (UTC)I know. I should. I have to, I need to figure out what's going to happen when I leave here at least. I just don't want to do it when I'm still this mad about it.
[Or when it feels like she's going to burst into tears over it, for that matter. She'd rather not deal with that in front of him.]
no subject
Date: 2025-05-06 03:10 am (UTC)[It’s the least Denny could do at this point, after being so ridiculously misguided for the last few years.]
no subject
Date: 2025-05-06 03:20 am (UTC)[She flops onto the couch, quiet for a moment. Her voice is serious when she goes on, clearly asking for a real answer, not just for sympathy:] Is it weird to be pissed about this? Or-- unfair?
no subject
Date: 2025-05-06 03:30 am (UTC)He sounds like a control freak…I just wonder what about his life is so out of control, that he feels like he needs to have control over this?
[A pause, he sighs.] Aside from his weird comments it seems like he wanted you to be happy, he just should have asked you what you wanted instead of assuming. You’re allowed to feel mad about that.
no subject
Date: 2025-05-06 03:38 am (UTC)[It helps, hearing it. She knows she's been caught up in her own head about this, making it a bigger and bigger thing. She just keeps finding new snags to catch on. It feels like something's been taken away from her, as little sense as that really makes. Time she should have had. Support she should have had.
It's good to hear from someone else that even if she maybe does need to take time and calm down, it's not ridiculous to feel that way at all.]
I don't know what to do now. I don't know if I can handle working together for much longer without at least trying to talk it out, but I'm worried that if it goes badly, it's going to get even harder after that.
no subject
Date: 2025-05-06 04:28 am (UTC)Give it another few days until it isn’t so fresh. I feel like…well, he doesn’t make the best decisions. [Putting it lightly there.] If he drops anything else on you, hopefully it won’t hurt as much if you have some time to process.
[And then he smiles slightly, which is likely audible in his voice.] Also, I feel like he deserves to wait just a little bit. At least it won’t be another 10 years.
no subject
Date: 2025-05-06 04:35 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-05-06 04:43 am (UTC)Am I allowed to be excited for you yet? Or should I wait until after you two talk?
no subject
Date: 2025-05-06 04:46 am (UTC)[She can't really blame him for having a better view on this whole thing than most people, after all, it definitely worked out for him.]
no subject
Date: 2025-05-06 04:55 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-05-06 05:04 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-05-06 05:16 am (UTC)At least it’s someone you know, who has helped you before, and who seems to want to try to make things work. It could be worse.
no subject
Date: 2025-05-06 05:23 am (UTC)[But then, it's so hard to imagine accepting it right now -- maybe the shock of it makes her more willing to work with it. She really doesn't know.
Maybe she can't entirely blame him for not trying to get through to her, maybe she's been even more closed off than she realized.]
God, I've never been so jealous of how easy the two of you have it, you know that? [It's a joking complaint. She'll never begrudge them that -- not when it means she gets to see her brother so happy, and not when it brought Dagny into her life, too.]
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