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[twistoffate]

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[canyousaveme]

[Some things haven't changed over time. Among them, Isaac's lack of need for sleep and occasional bouts of restlessness. Things have shifted, and he tends to make laps around the house these days instead of wandering farther, ever since the days of trying to soothe the baby back to sleep. But at the base, it's not that different. And it's probably not a surprise that even once Dagny finally manages to rest, he's still awake, staring at the ceiling until he finally slides carefully out of bed and out of the hotel room.

He's gone for a solid couple of hours before a message finally comes through, not trying to wake his husband, just trying to get things out of his head. He does his best not to keep everything bottled up. But sometimes it's easier to say things when he doesn't have to speak, or see Dagny's reaction when he knows he'll probably be upset.]

Do you ever think we made a mistake taking the kids in

[twistoffate]

[It's been a quiet night since they got back to the hotel, both of them lost in their own thoughts. He's not sure how Isaac feels, but he's deep in a pit of regrets, feeling like he should have fixed a lot of this a long time ago, and worried that now they may not be able to repair what has broken.

When he finally falls asleep, it isn't very restful. Surprisingly he doesn't wake up when his husband leaves, but he does wake up when Isaac texts him, staring at the message for a few moments, trying to make sense of it before he texts back.]

Are you okay? Where did you go?

[canyousaveme]

I'm fine, I couldn't sleep
I found the gym

[Which speaks to his mood as much as anything, the need to do something physical to try to get his head on straight, but it's probably better than wandering around a strange city alone.]

I can come back down if you're awake

[twistoffate]

You don't have to, if you're in the middle of something. [If Isaac needs space or activity to soothe his mind, he's not going to take him from that. Even if based on the message, it seems like he might want to chat.]

But I'm awake now.

[canyousaveme]

I'll start back in a minute.

[It hasn't done him that much good anyway, thoughts still muddled even after a couple of hours. It's better than being the only one awake, but if Dagny's there too, it's different.]

Are you okay?

[twistoffate]

I don't know.
I don't regret taking the kids in. [Seemingly in response to the question Isaac asked earlier.]

But I'm not sure if it was the best thing for them either.

[canyousaveme]

I don't know.

I wouldn't want to change it, even if we could
I don't know how things got so messed up

[twistoffate]

Me neither.

I did this. I messed up.
I pushed too hard and expected too much.

I pushed him away.

[canyousaveme]

We both did. I pushed him just as hard about other things. I treated what he could do like it was a mistake. I missed all the signs, too.

[twistoffate]

It was so scary when he was a kid.
I didn't realize that he'd grown to accept it. Or enjoy it.
I thought he wanted the same as us.

[canyousaveme]

I never really felt like he understood everything. But I thought he at least had his own reasons to want it under control.
Maybe I should have told him more. I don't know.

I don't think I can blame him for not saying something about it.

[twistoffate]

I wasn't understanding enough, I didn't listen. I can't blame him for not trying when I just shot him down whenever he did.
I think I tried so hard to protect him, that I forgot to just love him instead. [Not that he's ever not loved him, but he did it in his way. Not in Thomas' way.]

[canyousaveme]

[There isn't an answer; instead, there's a couple of minutes of silence before the door rattles a little, Isaac fumbling with the keycard, letting himself in and then stopping to flip the extra locks once it's closed. He doesn't hover for long, slipping off his shoes and dropping the towel in the corner before climbing onto the bed, reaching out for his husband's hand.]

What are we going to do? [It's not said like he's expecting an answer, full of quiet worry.]

[twistoffate]

[He resettles as Isaac gets back onto the bed, grabbing his hand immediately when it's offered, pulling him in closer, just as nervous and anxious as Isaac is.]

I don't know. Keep trying. Or try harder...try in a different way?

[canyousaveme]

[He curls into Dagny's side without needing much more encouragement than that, eyes closing, burrowing into him.] Yeah. I guess so.

[Something's clearly got to change, anyway. It would just be easier if they knew exactly what they should be doing instead.]

[twistoffate]

We can't give up. [Not that Isaac is suggesting it, but he feels like it's worth reiterating, squeezing him closer to him, still concerned about how to fix this.]

He looks like he's trying so hard to be an adult. He's still such a kid. [He says it quietly though, as if Thomas would be able to hear him somehow, knowing he'd hate to be thought of as a child.]

[canyousaveme]

We won't. [A soft reassurance, even though it's probably clear he's on the same page. Neither of them are about to walk away and abandon their son, not if there's any chance he'll let them stay.

He wraps an arm around Dagny, squeezing him tightly.] I know. But -- he sounded so proud of everything. That he's branching out here. [More than a little guilt in his tone. They shouldn't have kept him from doing so much.]

[twistoffate]

He has a job. [Equal parts guilt and pride filling his tone. He wishes more of their conversations could have been conversations instead of fights. He can't even remember when that changed. When the last time Thomas actually went to them, just to tell them something.]

I thought it was just a teenage rebellion phase.

[canyousaveme]

Maybe it started that way. [But it's clearly not anymore, if it ever was. He takes an unsteady breath, his voice small when he goes on.]

I want him to be happy. I just -- want him to come home, too. [And it's feeling a bit like it's going to be one or the other. Not that there's really any good way to drag him home anyway.]

[twistoffate]

Me too. [It's hard not having him there, even though it's nice to have Bear back, but even she walks around like she's lost without him. The house is so much lonelier with just the three of them, especially with Bear leaving to see Ethan nearly every day.]

Pop's place would at least be closer. [He seems to have no problem with his grandfather.]

[canyousaveme]

At least we could be there. If he needed something.

[It doesn't seem like he needs them for much after all, but it's hard to stop worrying. Even knowing that's part of the problem. He still can't help wondering what can go wrong if Thomas stays where he is.]

[twistoffate]

He's still so young. I'm glad he's doing well, but he might need help. He-- [He tries to stop himself from spiraling again, not wanting to discredit all the work Thomas has done by getting anxious over everything that could happen.] I just feel like he still needs us.

[canyousaveme]

I know. We'll try. [A soft reminder, holding on tighter to Dagny, trying to comfort his husband as much as he's trying to tell himself.] It -- it could have gone worse this time. We'll just... do what we can.

[twistoffate]

Yeah. He seemed upset to see us though. [There’s so much from the conversation that he keeps replaying in his head, the worst being the way Thomas thought they didn’t like him, or wouldn’t do anything to make him happy.] I can’t stop thinking about it. I feel like I failed as a parent…he seemed so hurt.

[canyousaveme]

I think we did, somewhere. [He doesn't say it to try to make Dagny feel any worse, just sharing his own thoughts, a little sad and lost to admit it. But it feels like they had to. Everything is so messed up now. There had to be a point where they could've stopped it, and didn't.

He curls a little more into Dagny's side, his hand sliding up to seek out his mark, a weirdly self-soothing habit.] I should have said something before we just showed up. Maybe it would have gone better.