[Why did he do that. He's aware there's a reason he probably shouldn't have, but the shock is setting in and it's a little hard to actually think clearly. Kind of hard to think of a lie, too, so he just answers honestly:] I didn't want you to get hurt.
[What he really wants to do is get up, run, and find somewhere safe to hide until the pain passes. He's just about coherent enough to remember not to do that, though, holding mostly still despite the fact that it feels wrong. But he does reach out to wrap his fingers around Dagny's arm, not trying to pull away, just holding on.]
It's okay. It's not that bad. [It's definitely bad. But he's had worse, he'll be fine. He's sure. Almost sure. Sure enough to sound convincing.]
I'll be fine, Isaac. I would have been fine. [He can tell he's crying because he sees the tears as they land on Isaac's chest and he tries to compose himself, knowing that it probably doesn't do any good to stress Isaac out more with his own emotions, even if he's never been very good at hiding them.]
Yeah, it'll be fine. You're going to be okay. [It's easier to just agree with Isaac than to continue getting upset with him. Now isn't the time for that. Isaac will recover and he'll be okay and they can deal with it then.
Isaac has to be okay. He's not allowed not to be. He continues to hold firm pressure, not even sure where exactly the injury is, but knowing that he needs to get the bleeding under control regardless.] Everything is okay. The ambulance is coming and they'll know what to do.
You'll still hurt. [He doesn't sound stubborn about it so much as he sounds like he's reminding Dagny, as if he might have forgotten that part. It's not just the dying to worry about, it can still be awful even if he survives it.
His face clears a little when he's reminded about the ambulance, he even manages a little bit of a smile despite the pain.] Right. That's even better.
Yeah...[He wants to say that this hurts more, this hurts so so much more, but he doesn't, instead just continuing to agree with him, hands sticky and warm with blood. He wishes he had more arms, that it was possible for him to hold Isaac and keep the pressure, to brush his hair back or make sure he's comfortable. Instead he does what he can with his words, hoping that's enough.]
You're doing great, love, just hang on, okay. You're going to be okay.
I know. [He sounds confident, squeezing Dagny's arm as tightly as he can manage. His fingers are a little bit numb, and he can't quite figure out if he's hearing sirens now or if his ears are just ringing, breath hitching with the pain, but his voice stays calm.] I'm right here. Not going anywhere.
I can hear sirens, they are almost here. [Every little hitch Isaac gives feels like it reverberates in Dagny's chest as well. He wants so badly to give into all the regret and disappointment in himself, all the sadness that this happened, but he's so caught up in the fear gripping his heart that he doesn't have room to feel anything else. His mind blank aside from his wishes and prayers that Isaac be okay. Please just let him be okay.]
You better not go anywhere. I can't...I can't do this without you. You have to be okay. [So much for staying strong. His own voice catching as he keeps talking, knowing that pretty soon the ambulance will be here and Isaac will be whisked away from him.] I love you so much. Please just...stay with me, okay?
Always. [Like it's a promise, soft and heavy.] I've had worse, remember? Takes a lot more to make me leave you. [He's getting a little more confused, focus fading and a little more out of breath, but he's pushing through it to reply as best he can, clinging to consciousness through the blood loss.] I love you.
I love you. [Even though he already said it, he says it again, and again until the paramedics get there and take over for him. Dagny stays as close as he can, trying to keep a hand on Isaac in some capacity even as they work, making sure he isn't in the way but still staying connected and maintaining contact.
Everything happens in a rush again, the ambulance ride, the trip to the hospital, the surgery, the fact that Isaac suffered from blood loss and Dagny offering his own, wishing he could offer so much more than that. There is a blood shortage they tell him, which is the only reason they allow it. Dagny is just happy he can do something to help, something to make up for his mistake, for putting Isaac in danger in the first place.
After they pull his blood, they put him in Isaac's recovery room, bandage around his arm, apple juice in his hand but untouched, he paces as he waits for his husband to wake up. It's a shocking mirror to the way Isaac reacted only months ago and Dagny feels even worse that he ever put someone through this. Absolutely hates being on the other side of this, his heart still in his throat, his breath catching every time he thinks about how close of a call this was. He can't believe he could have been so reckless, so inattentive to not stop Isaac from what he did. He's not sure he'll ever find a way to forgive himself. Even if Isaac recovers, this never should have happened at all.]
[It takes a while, something the doctors are quick to let Dagny know when Isaac's brought to recovery. His body doesn't mix well with the anesthesia; he has to be put back under halfway through when he starts to wake up. But other than that brief problem, it goes well. The bullet lodged in his hip, but the fracture was minor, the joint is alright. Healing will be a process, he'll probably need physical therapy, but he should be able to walk again.
Then it's just a matter of time until Isaac eventually starts to stir. The pain hits him first, and then the sense of brightness, even with his eyes closed. It's hard to remember where he is, still drugged and not quite awake. He just knows that this much light when he's not well is dangerous, that he's not somewhere he can hide. The heart monitor picks up as the fear starts to settle in through the confusion, one soft noise escaping him as he shifts before he presses his lips together to keep quiet.]
[He's so caught up in his pacing that he doesn't notice that Isaac is stirring. He definitely hears when the heart monitor picks up though and rushes to Isaac's side. He can only imagine what is going through his head right now, pain, fear, he probably hates being here at all, even if it's the safest place for him right now. He doesn't reach out yet, knowing it might end up hurting both of them if he does.]
Isaac, love, you're okay. I'm here. You're safe. You..got hurt. It's okay. [He speaks softly, carefully, trying to sound as soothing as possible, to let him know everything is alright.]
[He's not far gone enough that he doesn't recognize his husband's voice, at least, his face turning towards Dagny immediately.] Baby? [It's a soft murmur, frowning before things start to fall into place. He settles a little once he starts to register where he likely is, squinting against the light, reaching out for Dagny with the hand that doesn't have as much attached to it.]
Okay. [Softly. There's not a lot of people who's word he'd accept, especially feeling like this, but if Dagny says it's okay, than he'll believe it.] Hey.
Hey, hi, love, hi. [When he notices Isaac squinting against the light, he moves forward, leaning over him to reach behind the bed and shut off the overhead lights, it's still bright from the hallway but it definitely helps. When Isaac reaches for his hand, he takes it, immediately leaning down to kiss his fingers, the back of his hand, lifting it to his face to nuzzle into. Thankfully he washed all of Isaac's blood off his hands, even if it's still all over his clothes, at least it isn't as visible anymore.]
Are you in pain? [His voice cracks again on the question, feeling sick all over at the thought of Isaac hurting.] Do you need anything?
[He relaxes a little once it's darker, both because it doesn't hurt his eyes as much and because it helps settle the alarms in the back of his head. Realistically he knows the dark probably didn't actually make him any safer even when he was lost in the death planes, but it still feels that way.]
Just you. [He's definitely hurting, but he doesn't want to admit it. The more awake he is, the easier it is to brace against it, anyway. His grip still isn't very strong, but he brushes his fingers over Dagny's cheek, affectionate and trying to reassure him a little.] Are you okay?
No. [He goes for honesty instead of lying, not wanting to make Isaac feel bad but also still so caught up in the fear of it all that he can't really help himself.]
Isaac, what the fuck? [It comes out quietly, his voices wavering on the last word, tears quickly collecting in his eyes again. He's not mad, at least not at Isaac, but he still wants to know what the hell he was thinking. He could have died. And that would have been it. Why wouldn't he just let Dagny handle it?] What if something happened to you? What if you -- [He can't even say it. Feels sick even thinking it. Breaking off with a hitch as he tries not to completely break down.]
Hey, it's okay-- [A soft little attempt at comfort. He tries to shift to get closer, then does his best to hide his wince at the pain that shoots through his leg, settling for just clumsily squeezing Dagny's hand instead.] Nothing did. I'm okay.
[Even though he's not actually sure how bad the damage is, it feels like the truth, he can clearly move and he's still breathing. His body heals from a lot. It can't be that bad.]
I'm sorry. [Quiet and genuine.] I just -- didn't want you to get hurt.
Don't move. Don't hurt yourself. [He moves himself closer when Isaac winces, trying to make up for whatever it was that Isaac was trying to do, his voice still thick with too much emotion.]
I heal. That's literally what I'm made for. I'm supposed to protect you. I would have been fine. [He feels like he's crying again even though he doesn't have anymore tears, his voice still cracking and wavering. This is so much worse than if he had been shot again. Isaac came close to not being able to walk, something else that would have been devastating for him. It feels unbelievable that they got that lucky, his anxiety still spiking from every nearmiss of the evening.]
You don't have to protect me. [Almost immediately. It's hypocritical enough that if he was a little more together, he'd at least put it better, instead of replying impulsively.
He runs his thumb back and forth against the back of Dagny's hand, opens his mouth, then stops, just trying to put things together to figure out what he's trying to say through the fog.] I wasn't thinking. I saw it, and I wanted you -- safe. I wasn't thinking about the healing or... or anything.
I literally vowed to do that. What else am I good for? [His voice sounds strained, the anxiety showing through as he argues against Isaac's rebuttal. And maybe it's a bit harsh to say he isn't good for anything else but what other reason would he have this power for if not to protect? Why is he putting himself through this, the pain, the fear, the healing, again and again if not because that is what he was made to do.
He tries to let Isaac's touch calm him, tries to settle his own nerves so that Isaac can rest, they shouldn't even be talking about this right now. Not in the hospital, not when he's only just woken up. He sighs slightly, still frustrated but trying not to be, his voice a little flat with how he's trying to hold back his emotion.] I'm always safe, Isaac. You don't need to harm yourself for me.
A lot of things. You already get hurt for other people enough. [And Isaac admires the desire to help people, honestly, especially now that he knows where it comes from, but -- he also knows that he'll bounce back in a way most other people won't. Not to the extent Dagny does, maybe. But enough that Dagny doesn't have to worry about him.
That's without even considering everything else Dagny does for him, everything else that he admires about him, he doesn't even know where he'd begin with that list.]
I didn't mean to get hurt. [It doesn't feel like much of a correction, but it seems worth pointing out. He didn't jump in there thinking he'd be hurt. He just didn't think about much of anything.] And I know you'll be safe eventually. But you still have to go through everything first.
[Not that it isn't also meaningful whenever he saves anyone, but Isaac is different. He specifically promised to protect him when they got married. If he can't do that, then his gift is pointless.
He stands up, pulling away from Isaac for a moment to pace the room again, moving up and down the length of Isaac's bed so that he's still close, just feeling too overwhelmed to keep sitting in the chair.
Realistically, he should have seen this coming after he got shot. Isaac said that he was fine with it as long as Dagny came back to him, but he should have known that wasn't actually the case. He can't do his job properly if he's always concerned about Isaac getting in the way. He can't run to danger if he can't trust Isaac to let him go. It wasn't supposed to be like this.]
I thought you understood. I thought you knew that's what I do. You were supposed to be okay with that.
[His confusion is genuine, and only partly because of his current state. He doesn't see where trying to keep Dagny from getting hurt means he's not okay with it if it happens.]
[It hasn't yet occurred to him that there is some miscommunication going on. That Isaac was trying to keep anyone from getting hurt, not stopping Dagny from saving someone. Dagny just feels that by getting in the way, Isaac doesn't trust him to be able to do his "job," that now Isaac feels he needs to protect Dagny, which makes putting himself in danger difficult.]
You don't have to get shot to protect people. [There's some frustration in his voice now, not so much at Dagny as at the fact that Isaac feels like he's missing something.]
[Oh. That he does understand. He stops in his pacing, standing near the foot of the bed, quietly breathing for a few moments.] Okay, fine. Sure, sometimes...I might be a tad bit too impulsive with my tactics.
Sometimes. [An echo. He swallows, bringing his hand up to scrub at his face, just trying to put the words together clearly.] And that's okay. If you come back. But I never saw it happen before. I didn't -- I wasn't thinking.
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2025-03-20 03:15 am (UTC)[What he really wants to do is get up, run, and find somewhere safe to hide until the pain passes. He's just about coherent enough to remember not to do that, though, holding mostly still despite the fact that it feels wrong. But he does reach out to wrap his fingers around Dagny's arm, not trying to pull away, just holding on.]
It's okay. It's not that bad. [It's definitely bad. But he's had worse, he'll be fine. He's sure. Almost sure. Sure enough to sound convincing.]
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Date: 2025-03-20 03:30 am (UTC)Yeah, it'll be fine. You're going to be okay. [It's easier to just agree with Isaac than to continue getting upset with him. Now isn't the time for that. Isaac will recover and he'll be okay and they can deal with it then.
Isaac has to be okay. He's not allowed not to be. He continues to hold firm pressure, not even sure where exactly the injury is, but knowing that he needs to get the bleeding under control regardless.] Everything is okay. The ambulance is coming and they'll know what to do.
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Date: 2025-03-20 03:56 am (UTC)His face clears a little when he's reminded about the ambulance, he even manages a little bit of a smile despite the pain.] Right. That's even better.
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Date: 2025-03-20 05:37 am (UTC)You're doing great, love, just hang on, okay. You're going to be okay.
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Date: 2025-03-20 05:46 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-03-20 06:00 am (UTC)You better not go anywhere. I can't...I can't do this without you. You have to be okay. [So much for staying strong. His own voice catching as he keeps talking, knowing that pretty soon the ambulance will be here and Isaac will be whisked away from him.] I love you so much. Please just...stay with me, okay?
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Date: 2025-03-20 06:19 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-03-20 06:33 am (UTC)Everything happens in a rush again, the ambulance ride, the trip to the hospital, the surgery, the fact that Isaac suffered from blood loss and Dagny offering his own, wishing he could offer so much more than that. There is a blood shortage they tell him, which is the only reason they allow it. Dagny is just happy he can do something to help, something to make up for his mistake, for putting Isaac in danger in the first place.
After they pull his blood, they put him in Isaac's recovery room, bandage around his arm, apple juice in his hand but untouched, he paces as he waits for his husband to wake up. It's a shocking mirror to the way Isaac reacted only months ago and Dagny feels even worse that he ever put someone through this. Absolutely hates being on the other side of this, his heart still in his throat, his breath catching every time he thinks about how close of a call this was. He can't believe he could have been so reckless, so inattentive to not stop Isaac from what he did. He's not sure he'll ever find a way to forgive himself. Even if Isaac recovers, this never should have happened at all.]
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Date: 2025-03-20 06:56 am (UTC)Then it's just a matter of time until Isaac eventually starts to stir. The pain hits him first, and then the sense of brightness, even with his eyes closed. It's hard to remember where he is, still drugged and not quite awake. He just knows that this much light when he's not well is dangerous, that he's not somewhere he can hide. The heart monitor picks up as the fear starts to settle in through the confusion, one soft noise escaping him as he shifts before he presses his lips together to keep quiet.]
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Date: 2025-03-20 07:08 am (UTC)Isaac, love, you're okay. I'm here. You're safe. You..got hurt. It's okay. [He speaks softly, carefully, trying to sound as soothing as possible, to let him know everything is alright.]
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Date: 2025-03-20 07:26 am (UTC)Okay. [Softly. There's not a lot of people who's word he'd accept, especially feeling like this, but if Dagny says it's okay, than he'll believe it.] Hey.
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Date: 2025-03-20 07:58 am (UTC)Are you in pain? [His voice cracks again on the question, feeling sick all over at the thought of Isaac hurting.] Do you need anything?
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Date: 2025-03-20 08:08 am (UTC)Just you. [He's definitely hurting, but he doesn't want to admit it. The more awake he is, the easier it is to brace against it, anyway. His grip still isn't very strong, but he brushes his fingers over Dagny's cheek, affectionate and trying to reassure him a little.] Are you okay?
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Date: 2025-03-20 08:26 am (UTC)Isaac, what the fuck? [It comes out quietly, his voices wavering on the last word, tears quickly collecting in his eyes again. He's not mad, at least not at Isaac, but he still wants to know what the hell he was thinking. He could have died. And that would have been it. Why wouldn't he just let Dagny handle it?] What if something happened to you? What if you -- [He can't even say it. Feels sick even thinking it. Breaking off with a hitch as he tries not to completely break down.]
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Date: 2025-03-20 08:36 am (UTC)[Even though he's not actually sure how bad the damage is, it feels like the truth, he can clearly move and he's still breathing. His body heals from a lot. It can't be that bad.]
I'm sorry. [Quiet and genuine.] I just -- didn't want you to get hurt.
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Date: 2025-03-20 09:19 am (UTC)I heal. That's literally what I'm made for. I'm supposed to protect you. I would have been fine. [He feels like he's crying again even though he doesn't have anymore tears, his voice still cracking and wavering. This is so much worse than if he had been shot again. Isaac came close to not being able to walk, something else that would have been devastating for him. It feels unbelievable that they got that lucky, his anxiety still spiking from every nearmiss of the evening.]
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Date: 2025-03-20 09:48 am (UTC)He runs his thumb back and forth against the back of Dagny's hand, opens his mouth, then stops, just trying to put things together to figure out what he's trying to say through the fog.] I wasn't thinking. I saw it, and I wanted you -- safe. I wasn't thinking about the healing or... or anything.
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Date: 2025-03-20 10:06 am (UTC)He tries to let Isaac's touch calm him, tries to settle his own nerves so that Isaac can rest, they shouldn't even be talking about this right now. Not in the hospital, not when he's only just woken up. He sighs slightly, still frustrated but trying not to be, his voice a little flat with how he's trying to hold back his emotion.] I'm always safe, Isaac. You don't need to harm yourself for me.
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Date: 2025-03-20 10:32 am (UTC)That's without even considering everything else Dagny does for him, everything else that he admires about him, he doesn't even know where he'd begin with that list.]
I didn't mean to get hurt. [It doesn't feel like much of a correction, but it seems worth pointing out. He didn't jump in there thinking he'd be hurt. He just didn't think about much of anything.] And I know you'll be safe eventually. But you still have to go through everything first.
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Date: 2025-03-20 10:51 am (UTC)[Not that it isn't also meaningful whenever he saves anyone, but Isaac is different. He specifically promised to protect him when they got married. If he can't do that, then his gift is pointless.
He stands up, pulling away from Isaac for a moment to pace the room again, moving up and down the length of Isaac's bed so that he's still close, just feeling too overwhelmed to keep sitting in the chair.
Realistically, he should have seen this coming after he got shot. Isaac said that he was fine with it as long as Dagny came back to him, but he should have known that wasn't actually the case. He can't do his job properly if he's always concerned about Isaac getting in the way. He can't run to danger if he can't trust Isaac to let him go. It wasn't supposed to be like this.]
I thought you understood. I thought you knew that's what I do. You were supposed to be okay with that.
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Date: 2025-03-20 11:02 am (UTC)[His confusion is genuine, and only partly because of his current state. He doesn't see where trying to keep Dagny from getting hurt means he's not okay with it if it happens.]
I didn't -- did I try to stop you?
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Date: 2025-03-20 11:21 am (UTC)[It hasn't yet occurred to him that there is some miscommunication going on. That Isaac was trying to keep anyone from getting hurt, not stopping Dagny from saving someone. Dagny just feels that by getting in the way, Isaac doesn't trust him to be able to do his "job," that now Isaac feels he needs to protect Dagny, which makes putting himself in danger difficult.]
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Date: 2025-03-20 11:29 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-03-20 09:48 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-03-20 09:54 pm (UTC)(no subject)
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